Well People 2010

No - she - DIDN'T!!!" -K Shuman

"You told me there would be smoothies." A Gorinski

"Okay, but we're still on the clock for this?" -D Valdez

"Like a boss." -B Gorinski

- - - - -

Allegations of banned substances cut through the air like horsefeathers after Bob Gorinski's dominating performance at Health & Wellness Day 2010. At a post-game press conference, Gorinski admitted to a large group of reporters that he recieved treatments from the Kazakhstanian doctor charged with smuggling and supplying Strengthogen into the US.

When probed further, Gorinski attempted to fend off accusations by humming We Are The Champions a bit louder than he was previously. After another member of the press asked if his domination could be related to the fact that he created the events, Gorinski said "hello," putting his index finger in the air as he pretended to answer his cell phone.

"Let the beginning commenculate."

Otherwise, wellness day was pulled off in grand fashion. There were no injuries, blood doping, or any other kind of doping, unless you count water- and nectarine-hyperhydration overdose.

Heart rates and VO2 climbed, trash talk elevated, tomfoolery attended, and laughter reigned. Now that's some wellness right thar - I don't care who y'are.

Official NEHAWD standings:

Physioball Golf
Bob - 5 strokes, 44 seconds
Amy - 6 strokes, 0:56
Debbie - 6 strokes, 1:15
Kim - 11 strokes, 1:46

Treadmill Volleyball
1st - Bob
2nd - Kim
3rd - Debbie
4th - Amy

Physioball Water Slam
Bob - 32 ounces
Kim - 24 ounces
Debbie - 16 ounces
Amy - 8 ounces

Stool Hockey
Bob - 0
Kim - 0
Debbie - 0
Amy - 0
[Yes ladies and gentleman, a 4-way tie for first place here.]

Nectarine Eating Conest
Bob - 2.5
Kim - 1.5
Debbie - 1.0
Amy - .75

Bowmansdale Idol
Bob - 2.6 million votes

Kim - 2,599,999 million votes

Debbie - 1 million votes (pinky to lips)

Amy - .0000004 million votes

A good time was had by all. Yes ALL.